Shit all over

The exact date of this incident is a mystery. But I can say it was some time when I was in high school. So it was some time mid-90s. Ah the location is Kannur in Kerala. I was in my ancestral home and it was a sunday. There were no chicken shops in our village. So I had to go down to a nearby village to get chicken. You can call this place a semi-town with loads of shops, and a B-class movie theatre. And this place was 20 minutes by bus from the house.
I went there early in the morning(Yes, 9 'o clock is early). I went down and asked for chicken. I watched with interest as he pulled out a chicken from the cage and put it down on the weighing machine. He then went on to slit its throat. The blood started gushing out and he put it into a metal container for life to fly out. I was listening to the chicken struggle in the container. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, I could feel it. I could feel the pressure. I could feel the pressure in my stomach. I thought I could manage to reach home. Suddenly I was not paying any attention to the chicken. He was finishe with the dressing and gave a packet to me. I paid him and walked back to the bus. All the while the pressure was increasing, increasing and increasing. I sat in the bus controlling. But no I could not. I got out of the bus just as the driver revved up the engine. I started walking on the road looking for a loo. None in sight. My eyes finally fell on the Theatre there. I paced myself to the theatre. I asked the gate keeper to let me in. He was a plesant fellow(thank god). I dashed off to the loo. I relieved myself and walked out a very very accomplished boy.
As I walked off from the theatre my eyes fell on the posters around "Now Showing: Ikkili(Malayalam) RAting:A".. Ok mallus know it.. But for the rest of u, well its a soft porn movie starring the evergreen Shakeela.. LOLzz. I walked out looking around, if anyone was watching me. Finally I walked out of the gates and there he was.. My neighbor staring at me with a wicked smile...
Chicken: 40rs
Bus ticket to home: 3rs
Expression on my face: Priceless???

Ballot ka Saudagar

No matter what happens the commies and the dynasty would prefer to call Moditva the "Maut ka Saudagar" and would like all of us to believe that Moditva triumphed yet again because of the communal polarization. But Modi and his five and a half crore gujaratis have proved that real development and the creation of a cult status will mean that BJP has a "West Bengal" of its own now. 11 years and now definitely going to be 16 is no mean achievement. A miles above that of what the commies have done in WB. In WB they have the hard core base and the kind of cadre that just will not slip away. This is something unique to West Bengal and not seen anywhere elese. You put any tom, dick or Budhdha on a commie ticket and he will win in WB. But thats not the case in Gujarat. Its sheer hard-work and its just the one man thats made it possible.
Moditva has defied all odds, all opposition, all exit polls to emerge the tallest man in the BJP. For those who believe Modi will be a problem to Mr Advani. They are mistaken. He will compliment Mr Advani. He will bring back the hardline BJP. He will bring back the BJP that will now shed the mask called Mr VAjpayee.
From the begining Mr Modi faced stiff oposition from everywhere. He was the Media's favourite punching bag. The pounced on him at any given opportunity. Then there was the Rahul Gandhi Road show. I thought circus had road shows. Then came Madams "Maut ka saudagar". Well you cant blame her for that. You give her the recipie for Butter chicken masala by mistake and she will read that out at the election rally. So then there was criticism from within the BJP led by Keshubhai. And the central leadership knew more. They knew, if there was one man that could win Gujarat for them, it was Mr Modi. And true, without him the BJP would have been battered. Even the Sangh Parivar was not whole-heartedly behind him. But then Modi with his amazing cult image has romped home. And just like someone at the BJP office in Ahmedabad said "Gujarat is India". Modi will be a huge figure in Indian politics. What ever the leadership thinks, Mr Modi definitely has a demigod status with the BJP workers and their new religion is called MODITVA.

The Big Modi Blunder

Narendra Modi has a demi-god status among the hard-core BJP supporters over the country is a very well know fact. And this is very evident form the pro-BJP communities on Orkut too. Modi has been facing rebellion within the Gujarat BJP is a very well known fact too. His style of functioning has been equated to that of Hitler's by a seniour member of his party in Gujarat. In spite of all this Modi was expected to sail through and comfortably this time around too. Courtesy his development and the "Vibrant Gujarat" slogan. Gujarat under Modi has progressed rapidly is a very well known fact and has been accepted by his detractors too. Even the congress has not been able to nail him on the development plank. And this explains Madam's "Maut ka saudagar" rheotics. This was just a bait for Mr Modi to draw him into the volatile areas. But the seasoned politician in Modi was not able to identify this and has fallen prey to the Congress tactics.
Now Mr Modi finds himself in a precarious position and the development plank on which the BJP was supposedly riding seems to have been swept under the carpet. He could face disciplinary actions from The EC and hence is being forced to defend his comments on Sohrabuddin. Mr Modi is being drawn deeper and deeper into this mud-slinging. But the BJP sure did not want it this way and finds itself stuck in between. The top leadership is not able to openly endorse Mr Modi's comments and is being forced to attack Sonia.
All this I feel has definitely has made it a much more closer call for Mr Modi's prospects of getting reelected the CEO of Gujarat Inc. Dont be surprised if the BJP manage to just scrape through or even if the Congress manage to pull up a surprise.

Controling Your Anger

Being able to control ones anger or frustration is a major thing. I've just begun to understand the importance of anger-management(If there ever was a term like that). I had always boasted about being a cool and calm guy. And most definitely have been into advicing people who are just too eager to lose their cool. Of late, after a couple of incidents its hit me hard that I'm not that cool after all.
The two incidents were very much different in its nature, But the one common factor was that it proved to me how fast I've started to get red. The first instance was a conversation with a friend when he said something and I just walked out enraged, with a couple of other friends looking at stunned. And the second instance happened on a public forum, wherein someone happened to criticize me. And I now wonder how I could have been such a pathetic bloke, that I had to give a reply and in a very harsh language. This has ended up most definitely tarnishing both our images.
I went on to apologise to both the people involved, but the damage had already been done. This brings a major questio. Is it the work pressure thats getting over me? I dont think so. Because I enjoy more on the job than elsewhere. But then why?
Now I'm sitting wondering whats the best anger-management technique(This word has already been coined :p)? I guess I should have taken a break in the second instance and let myself cool off. Or I could have spoken to the concerned people in a better way. Just keep yourself in control.
Let me take an oath not to get angry and get back control over myself. This will most definitely help myself and people associated to me from being subject to embarassing situations.

Signing off
Eddie....

The TRAI Bouncer

Recently the The Telecom Regulatory Authority of India has brought up the question of mobile number portability to improve the quality of services. What this basically means is that you can have the same mobile number all your life, irrespective of the state where you are or the operator you choose. So if you have a Karnataka Hutch number starting with 9886, 2 years later you could have the same number even if you were in Rajasthan and your operator were to be Airtel. Now you could choose to say "What an Idea" and be known as 9243104*** all your life.
This is bound to have a lot of great advantages. The obvious one being that you never need to worry that you will lose contact with people just because you have changed your operator/state.
But I take pleasure in pointing out the disadvantages concerned here. Ok none of them are life threatening and TRAI need not rollback this IDEA. :D.
Talking of the first one. Lets say you get a call from a particular number(Assume you dont know that number). But due to some reasons, you were not able to pick the call. So what do you do later? Call back once you are free? Here is the Googly. But now you dont know whether its a local number or an STD? So how do you decide what is to be done? Ok you call up and you speak to the person, not realizing that he is in Punjab. You speak for 10 minutes and by this time its already cost you 26 rupees. Ok now that may not be a big amount for a lot of us. But it is for many.
Say the first one may be figured out. Fine now there is a problem with local calls. Too We have A2A, T2T, V2V free offers and a lot of people rely on that. Now you dont call up a person and ask him whether he's got a Tata or a Reliance phone. Again same thing ends up happening.
But I'm not complaining and i like the Idea, I'd like to be known as 9243104*** for ever. :D
One advantage more that I'd love to mention here. Its about the Unsolicited calls you recieve. "Sir, We are offering the HDFC International Credit CArd for free" I got a call like that even today. Not many of us have registered with the "Do-Not-Call Registry". Now we all know that they ring up random local numbers. Its easy now. But wont be so after this has been implemented. So people like me can have some fun with these irritating people who call up...

Signing off
Eddie

Pseudo Secular India

People scream about we Indians not having changed our attitude even 60 years after independance and blame this for our country still carrying the "Developing" tag. But I disagree with all these people. We are still a developing country because our attitudes have undergone a sea change. Yes, We have become obsessed with secularism. Or I call it minority appeasment. Be it the media or the politician, "be the champion of the minorities" has become the buzz word. This at the cost of the Hindus for no fault of their own.
We have a prime minister talking of minorities getting first use of all resources. And yes for what. We have madam Maya who wants to be the champion of the dalits. Then there is Ajith Singh jee who wants reservation for OBCs everywhere. Talk of degrading the standards of high profile institutions.
So what is wrong with the majority community here. Well they have just become numb. They have become people who just will not react. Any one can paint the Hindu godess in the nude and in any way according to his whims and fancies, and you justify it calling it freedom of expression. Imagine what could happen if someone painted Jesus Christ or the Prophet in similar fashion. The same people who talk about artistic freedom, will take up cudgels can call it misuse of freedom or call him communal. Oh, of course they were the champions of the minority.
You still have people blaming Narendra Modi for the 2000 Godhra Fiasco. We have images of Muslims being burnt with tags like human rights violation. Yes afterall the kar-sevaks inside the train were not human and they did not have no rights.

Sports in India Sucks... Why??

I always wanted to write something about the sorry state of affairs in Indian Sports...True we wonder how the hell Priyaranjan das Munshi has survived as President of the Indian Football association. What on earth does this guy know about soccer. what has he been doing to improve football here, except appear on Tv to gain political mileage. Its not just football, we have KPS Gill, who ruined hockey in India. Yup thats my view. The glory days of Indian Hockey, back in the 80s ended for sure. Then we have the great Mr Pawar. Present sir. look at the shambles BCCI is in now... Laloo Prasad had something to do with the Bihar Cric Association, if I'm right. Now then are we not from the country where our Honerable sports minister Mr Money Shankar Aiyer blurts out "We should try to improve our roads and uplift the poor and not host the Olympics". ##### Why the hell is he sports minister, then???? Now if u think I'm just taking a dig at the Congress, then GoToHell. I hate that lawyer, Arun Jaitley, for being the President of Delhi Cricket Association. No player from Delhi wore the Blue cap, eversince. Now fine. And we all know what wonders Ms Sanyasin Bharati did for sports in India. Hey by the way, did we forget Aamir, SRK, Bipasha n Aishwarya Rai carrying the olympic torch, when the govt. invited Milkha Singh n PT Usha a bit late, because of procedural delays supposedly....Now if u think I'm just a complaining baby and like Dravid said "Speaking, sitting in the drawing room is easy", then again "GoToHell". I know how tuff its for any upcoming sports person in India. And if the sport is not cricket, then God help You. I've represented my college in Football, Long distance running and High Jump. We had a PD who used to siphon off our TA/DA... It is trecherous, trying to find a proper place to practice.. The entire system is rotten. We need a wind of change............

Auto Tales

This was some 2 years ago. I was near MG Road(Bangalore) and was lokking to get back home. Twas around 7pm. So, I decided to take an auto..... So....Waved my hand to stop one*I was about to get in*
Autowala: Yellige saar... /*Meaning: Where To?*/
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: Illa Sir /*No*/
Me: Huh *Gets off and wave at another auto*

Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: 70 rupees hoga sir
Me:*With an irritated look on my face* Yeh Auto ka daam nahi poochaa
Autowala: Nahi saab, 70 rupees.. aana hai to aaao.
Me: Nahi jaana... *Now a more irritated look
*Now 3rd Auto arrives*
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: 1 and half dena saab..
Me: Arey kyon 1 and half?
Autowala: Vahaan se khaali aana padegaa boss.
Me: Nahi

*4th Auto arrives*
*5th Auto arrives*
*6th, 7th, 8th Autos come and go* *Same story every time
*Finally 9th Auto Arrives.. By this time it was already half an hour after the first auto came*
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: Saab one and half rupees deneka
Me: Arey kyon yaar, RT Nagar kyaa Mysore mein hai kyaa....
Autowala: one and half nahi to nahi jaayegaa
Me: Ok Chalooo *What the hell???**With me inside, the Auto started moving*
Me: Aap log sab aise kyon ho?
Autowala: bhai saab vahaan se khaali aana padthaa hai *Now I've heard that before*
Me: arey yeh RT Nagar, jangal ke andar nahi hai jee.. *Silence for some time and then we near RT Nagar*
Autowala: Saab RT Nagar mein kidhar?
Me: errrrr.. Police Station ke paas
Autowala: Police Station ke paas, kidhar saab?
Me: Aap chalao mein bataaoongaa...*Keeps on driving till we near the Police station
Autowala: Saab... Straight yah left?
Me: Wahaan *Poiting to the police station
Autowala: *Looks back with a priceless expression on his face* Kahaan saaaaab
Me: Station ke saamne*He stops in fron of the police station.. Meter showed 35 rupees or so.*
Me: Ab kitna loge?
Autowala: Kyaa saab... One and Half bola thaa naa.
Me: Woh to tab bola... Ab kitna bolta hai?
Autowala: Saab 50 rupees diyo saab...
Me: Ek minute andar jaake aata hoon..
Autowala: Saab.. kidhar jaaraha hai saab...
Me: Nahi tumhe 50 chaahiye naa. abhi aayaa *n started walkin into the police station compound*
Autowala: *Stopping me* Saab aap 35 do saab.. Mein jaata hoon.. *I give him 35 bucks.. n he packs off in full speed.. n must have been cursing me*